Ritual Propriety & Personal Experience

I have been wonder if there is ritual propriety in the U.S. and can I find it within my experiences. I decided in the last week or so that I make an effort to do some observing of life around me. I used from David Schaberg's lecture the definition of ritual propriety as "treating everything as special."

The easiest place to observe is at school and I chose after school as the best time to sit and watch. The first couple of days I saw nothing that fits the definition. I did see something special, it was children happy to see their parents, but nothing that would be considered a ritual. Finally one day I saw a gentleman from the junior high ranks kiss his father on the cheek. At this age level this is very unusal and taks courage to do it in front of the whole school. I even saw that he repeated it when greeting other relatives after a basketball game.

So far, I have found ritual propriety and it is nice to see that it does exsists today in the U.S. My thought is that this is the exception and not the rule. I will keep on looking and maybe post some more on it.

It's funny. I like to say that I was raised as a Confucian Chinese Daughter. I was very obedient as a young girl. Even though, I was always favored by my relatives as being the "model" eledest daughter, I've always felt immense pressure, responsibility, duty, and obligation. I was living out ritual propriety without ever realizing it.

When I became older, I think in college. I started to understand more and had the opportunity to take classes in Chinese history and culture. But at that point, I became very rebellious against rituals and propriety. It drove my mother crazy.

It's interesting how when I started martial arts more than a year ago. Ritual propriety dictates the Dojo as well. We always bow while entering and leaving the dojo, and to senior ranks.

It's true, ritual propriety is everywhere and understand it allows me to understand the people whose lives it dictates as well because I am understanding myself and my family more. Especially my mother, who takes ritual propriety very seriously.

Being raised in Hawaii and primarily with my Japanese heritage, I am very well aware of ritual propriety. One always greets and acknowledges your grandparents or elders as soon as you enter the household. When you go on a trip, it is customary to buy omiyage for family and friends: our Japanese neighbor, whenever they would go on a trip; always brought back something to give to us. My cousin who married a woman raised in California, but parents are from Japan; whenever they visit Hawaii, she is well prepared with omiyage for the family.
It is also customary when someone invites you over, you do not go empty handed, either you prepare a dish, or bring dessert: even though hostess says not to bring anything: it just is a sign of appreciation and feels good to contribute.
As I experience living in California, I have observed ritual propriety among those who hold on to their traditions, such a my friend from Columbia, who always buys an omiyage when she goes on a trip as well as my friend from Jordan, who does the same for his family and friends.
For some ritual propriety may too much of an obligation, but when you are raised in a culture of mutual respect and understanding, there is no second guessing, not a chore, but brings joy and good relations; this is all part of life and bonding of relationships, it feels good.
Perhaps that is why Asians and traditional cultures enjoy a long life, because of their value for relationships and ritual propriety.

One last comment on Ritual Propriety...

here is a blurb from a book I read over 10 years ago about a young girl named Hang reflecting on her childhood, family history, and leaving her home country, Vietnam. This story offered my first glimpse of Confucianism, homage to ancestors, and ritual propriety (Although Mexican culture has its own system of "ritual propriety", I did not know what it was called until I was in college). This is a great and easy read. Duong Thu Huong's Paradise of the Blind is a resource for Vietnamese culture, a story of obligation, family ties, humiliation, sorrow, growing up, sacrifice, betrayal, and compassion. If you are looking for a good story, a memorable narrative, pick this book up, today!

Paradise of the Blind
by Duong Thu Huong

"Paradise of the Blind is an exquisite protrait of three Vietnamese women struggling to survive in a society where subservience to men is expected and Communist corruption crushes every dream. Through the eyes of Hang, a youn woman in her twenties who has grown up amidst the slums and intermittent beautty of Hanoi, we come to know the tragedy of her family as land reform rips apart their village. When her uncle Chinh's political loyalties replace family devotion, Hang is torn between her mother's appalling self-sacrifice and the bitterness of her aunt who can avenge but not forgive. Only by freeing herself from the past will Hang be able to find dignity--- and a future."

I believe ritual propriety can be found in any society. It would seem that power and authority always have as a benefit the added dimension of ritual reverence associated with them. Be you latino, asian, european, or african, there are strict codes of ethics regarding acceptable and unacceptable behaviors around those who are percieved to have more authority or power than oneself due to position in all regions. What I believe seperates asian ritual propriety from lets say latino ritual propriety, is that asian ritual propriety has really been disscussded and written about in Confucist thought. These principles are taught and openly discussed. In contrast, latino ritual propery is more seemingly implicit as opposed to being explicit. It is a concept not open to disussion with others outside the core group. My examples of this are my Chinese roomate from college, and my realtationship with my wife, my mother-in-law, and myself.

Every year, my college roomate Jacki Lin would always go with his family to pay respect to his ancestors at Thanksgiving. On a couple of occasions I went with him. We lit incense, put out a couple of pictures, and left a little offering, steped back bowed a couple of time in respect, and then went out to lunch to hear a million and one tales of how Mr. and Mrs. Lin Senior had survived terrible episodes in China. I learned that Jacki's father, Dr. Lin, had brought his parents from China to live in a condo Jacksonville soon after his immigration to the US. How he had helped them establish a small buisness with his earnings as a resident, how it was his father's just established credit that had allowed them to expand the buisness. Jacki discussed the importance of this continued rememberance and devotion on the part of his father to his parents as we went home, and spoke of it in terms of his duty and devotion. From the look on his face it was important and meaningful to him.

On the other hand there is my wife and her mother. We all still live together, and try as we might--we are unable to do anything right for abuela. Now my wife was told, much less read that as the only daughter of a single mother it would be her job to provide a home for her mother. When ever I ask why my mother-in-law won't take items and money we offer her for a new apartment down payment, she refuses. Yet she'll want to order us to surrender the our functional old car, and get a new one, so she might bestow it on family memebers in Mexico. Prestige, influence are these her motivators? I quess in her mind, ritual propriety would have us do so in the hopes of improving our standing in the extended latino family structure. What I have taken all these contradictions to mean is that my mother-in-law likes look good in the eyes of her larger family. And I'm OK with that. As we are both well paid professionals--not that she doesn't make a good living of her own--our academic and passible economic success bring her both pride and clout amongst others. As along as we don't force her out--even into a comfortable place of her own near-by, she'll continue to feel as if we've done right by her.

In many ways both displays of propriety and loyalty are similar. Yet I wonder if aside from felial catholic writings, are there examples of other writings calling for loyalty to the family and the payment of respect to authority in Mexican and latino culture? [Edit by="chellmold on Jul 29, 11:54:19 AM"][/Edit]
[Edit by="chellmold on Jul 29, 11:56:36 AM"][/Edit]