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Anonymous.
Rob_Hugo@PortNWFavortism, yes, i brought it up. Do you sometimes think that your brother or sister is more favored than you are because of their gender or age?! In my family, i often feel that way about my older brother and younger sister because i am the only child, but i am sure it's all in my head. In many Asian countries though, such as Vietnam and China, i know that the eldest sons are usually favored by the parents and are expected to take on the household when they are older. That expectation is often shaddered. My uncle for example never helped out with any family matter, and never once helped my mom in taking care of my grandmother eventhough my grandmother had always favored him in everyway. So i guess it isn't a good idea to favor one kid over another, but it still happens.
AnonymousI am an only child so I don't know much about sibling rivalry. But that doesn't mean that I don't know favoritism in the family. I have many cousins and some are close to my age, and I am often being compared to my cousins in terms of academic success. And I'm sure my cousins think similarly about me. When I went back to China last summer, I was just in time for one of my cousin's college entrance exam, and almost all of my relatives will say about my other cousin who got into a good university in Shanghai last year, and my recent acceptance into UCLA, and all the talk about how my cousin should get in to a good school too. If I was in her shoes, I don't think I can handle the pressure from all my relatives on top of the one chance of entrance exam.
Anonymousi think that within my immediate family, like my mom and my dad, i can honestly say that i've never felt that just because i'm a girl, that i am less loved than my brother. however, i've always felt that my grandpa, before he passed away, was a lot closer to my brother than me. i don't kno if the reason for it was that he was a boy and not me, but i think that in some ways, it also has to do with the fact that he might not be as comfortable interacting with his female grandchildren as he is his male ones, that it is for some reason harder for him to connect with us. but in general i feel that my parents love me and my brother equally, though they do have different expectations for us and tend to worry about me more because i'm a girl.
Anonymousmy parents always claim that they treat us all the same, but i do sense a bit of favoritism towards my brothers, especially my second brother. what's weird is that my mom would be the one favoring her sons, and my dad would be the one favoring his daughters. so i guess it all evens out!
AnonymousI am also an only child but I do know of instances of favoritism among my friends' families. I have one friend who said that on Chinese New Year, his oldest cousin gets the most money in his "red packet" from his grandparents, and the cousin's picture is also enlarged and placed in front of all the other grandchildren in the display area.
My mom also told me that when I was born (in China), my maternal grandparents didn't want to raise me personally because they felt that I was the responsibility of my father's family.
This topic is interesting because it relates to all of the readings we've had relating to patrilocal, patriarchal family patterns in Asia.
AnonymousFrom experience, I would have to say that I am the "favored" one (oldest child, only daughter) compared to my younger brother (only boy). However, this is because of good ol' suppy & demand of my generation's guy:girl ratio here in the U.S.
My father's side is composed of only 2 girls and 5 boys. Consequently, girls were favored as the "dolls" of the family and would always be treated well and pampered because they were rare. However, my mother's side has 1 girl and 3 boys. Boys are favored on my mother's side, because only 2 of the 5 cousins are male. When I went back to Taiwan when I was 5 and my brother was 4, my grandparents wanted desperately to take care of my brother while my mother took me back to the US.
However, time passed and many visits back to Taiwan showed a slight change. I believe that my family and many other Asian families base "how accomplished you are" in proportional to the "amount of favortism" you wil receive. In other words, it seems as though if you are an "average" student with little admirable qualities about you..... you're less likely to be spoiled and favored compared to your "more accomplished" sibling. This subject, I understand, will offend some people. I apologize, and I do my best to put topics like these in a more watered-down version.
AnonymousI'm in the same boat as Amy....for the longest time I was the only grandaughter, so my grandparents adored me. Not only that, but i am the oldest child in my family. So i guess in those ways i am acknowledged as setting the example, and succeeding as a girl makes the rewards greater. Don't get me wrong though, because I feel that my parents don't just favor one child over another. Maybe it comes with being a little more westernized/Americanized but they care for us all equally. Favoritism isn't apparent in my family according to gender, rather there are different expectations for being a girl or boy in the family that we are supposed to incorporate into our lifestyles in the future (i.e. career, school, marraige, who's supposed to support who).
AnonymousI have a younger brother and I feel that most of the time, my parents show me favoritism over him. As the oldest, I don't get any handmedowns (except for the occassional handmedown from an older cousin). However, my brother will sometimes get handmedown computers or whatnot that I outgrow. The only thing that I felt was unfair was that in terms of going out at night and dating, my parents are much more leniant on my brother, because he is a boy and he isn't the first child. (I think that the first child gets hit hardest by strict parents). However, since I started college, my parents have given me a lot more responsibility and even ask me for advice on how to discipline or raise my brother. So all in all, I feel that my parents favor me as the older child, even though I am a girl.
AnonymousI have an older sister and I feel like my parents treat us pretty much the same. I don't believe there is any special favortism over me or my sister. My mom pretty much established since we were younger that if one gets something, the other is entitled to the same. So normally, she was fair in giving out benefits and punishments.
I have realized that since my sister is a vegetarian, there are times we do get treated differently. For example, when eating out, many times we would ask her for her opinion first because it is harder for her to find something to eat. I personally don't consider this favortism but more like being considerate and other than that, I feel my parents treat my sister and I as fairly and equally as possible.
AnonymousI kind of agree with amy about being favored more for what you have accomplished. I know when i was younger in comparison to my two boy cousins i was not allowed to talk about my school accomplishments because it would make them feel bad for doing badly. so i never was able to speak about school even when it was kind of stressful for me. however since i am the only granddaughter i guess i am favored my my grandmother. she always tells her friends how proud she is of me. but no one really speaks of my accomplishments becuase its just expected that i do well. my cousin didnt graduate from hs on time and he wasnt punished or anything and he is treated like hes always been treated. So i dont know.. we arent the typical asian family i guess. at least my extended family..
AnonymousI have three older brothers in my family, so I'm the only girl and the youngest. I guess you could say there's favoritism on both sides. My mom really wanted a girl, so when I was born she was really happy. But my dad kind of wanted a boy so he could have 4 boys, but Ithink...he was happy when I was born haha. Anyways, I always felt that my mom favoritized my brothers a lot as well as my dad, because they could carry on the family name, and become eletrical engineers just like my dad. But with me, they were like oh, you can become a teacher if you want, it's okay if you don't make a lot of money! which I guess is a good concept, but I felt kind of discriminated against just because I was a girl. I also was not allowed to say out as late as my brothers, and the reason was always "because you're a girl!" It seems to happen a lot. With me being on the phone, having boy-friends, etc. Being a girl was always an issue. But I was also spoiled a lot, with pretty little dresses and hairdues that my mom was excited to do since she only had boys before. I also get a lot of attention too, but I guess it's a different kind of attention. I won't say I feel left out in the family because of my brothers, but I'm just treated differently.
AnonymousAs Amy and Sophie mentioned, accomplishments in my family plays a role in favoritism. I have one OLDER (13 years older) sister and I feel like at times my parents trust me more because of the differences in academic achievement between my sister and I. I cared a lot more about doing well in school growing up than my sister. So, my sister was permitted to take the "unconventional" Chinese academic route by going majoring in Arts and Design when she was in college, so I really feel that my parents see me as the "last hope" of our family to make a traditional life for myself by following the medical school (optometry) route.
Whatever "favoritism" may be expressed in our family, my parents certainly don't love either one of us more or less.
AnonymousSince I am the youngest in my family, I feel like I do get a little special treatment here and there. However, I don't think my brothers receive any kind of special treatments relative to my sisters and me. But when it comes to things such as privileges to go out or things along those lines, there are more restrictions on my sisters and me. My parents always say that since my brothers are guys, they can protect themselves better in situations and that my sisters and I are more vulnerable. Therefore, our implied curfews were always earlier than my brothers'. But in general, gender does not really play a role in how my parents treat my siblings and I, except the abovementioned issue. There was never any blatant favoritism such as my brothers getting certain materialistic things while my sisters and I do not. This fair treatment help my sisters and I feel that we are pretty much equal with our brothers.
AnonymousI have two older sisters so I don't really know anything about favoritism based on gender.. and as for age, i think my parents were relatively fair and never favored anyone more because they were older or younger. I know my sisters would say that I was favored when we were younger, but i think that was more because i had bullying sisters so someone had to stick up for me! 
while looking at the rest of my family (aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.), I have never noticed any real signs of favoritism based of age or gender. While boys were always of course wanted, girls weren't seen as bad omens or anything either and everyone was pretty much treated equally...